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The buzz Darrell was feeling as he flailed blindly in the immense sea of phlegm began to fade. "Time for another hedgehog," he gushed, fondling his man bag with aplomb.

All brilliant suggestions. Many thanks for your contribution!

"I was in space the other day!" he exclaimed. No-one knew why he said that, so we bashed him.

Oblivious to the general disapproval, Wallace garnished her ballsack with a disapproving sprig of mint. Julia looked on disapprovingly with a look of disapproval on his face.

Yep - and he also lost his nose when he tripped (which is easy to do when one has just lost a limb) and fell onto the nearby revolving stone shaped like a disk (you know, the one used to sharpen or polish tools). His nose was ground clean off. Looks quite porcine these days.

That's right - and when she still wouldn't come down the fool had the bright idea to flush her out by igniting the tree. Now here's the funny part. When she started calling out for help he became concerned and decided to put the fire out. All he could think of at the time to extinguish the inferno w...

Snapping, Fluffy the kitten unsheathed a large claw and with the dexterity of an LSD-filled gibbon, neutered poor Cyril. The rocking chair slowed.

Yes! That's him! Yeah he's not all that intelligent our Bob. Remember when he was woofing in an upwards direction at that tree in town? He was apparantly pretending to be a dog to impress that nice young woman... Turns out she was up a completely different tree though.

I know I know. I should be more careful. I'm not so worried about the number of chickens that hatched. Did I mention I got them for a steal? A man at the market (who I noticed could have been a picnic if he only had a few more sandwiches) sold them to me for an old US ten cent piece!

Ooh bugger. Ok I have some good new and some bad news. The good news is the chickens have hatched (sadly there were only nine... perhaps I shouldn't have counted them earlier?). The bad news is I accidentally dropped a lump of hard consolidated mineral matter into their box. Tragically two of them d...

Here's a suggestion. Why don't you get a large stick, find that small shrub, and repeatedly strike the ground next to it? I think that would be a far better suggestion.

Well the other day I bought a dozen eggs and put them all in a container that was woven and had handles. They're still here next to me - I've counted them a couple of times too, just to be sure. That's twelve chickens on the way!

You obviously haven't checked on Snowball today... Well I'd better confess. I had a sudden urge earlier to visit Snowball and have a quick ride before coming to work you see. I didn't think you'd mind. The thing is, when I opened the stable door the beastly creature just took off. I was a little irr...

Yes - yes it was. A noisy pup too - I'd rate his woofing sound a good 7 on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst. When he savaged me though, I was quite surprised. If asked to rate that experience I'd probably only give it a 4 or 5.

Well I feel a little guilty actually - I should have just left it there so they couldn't find it... you see I was the one who let the little pussy out of the flexible container with a single opening...