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Gordon plowed his horns through the pizza remnants, searching frantically for his missing Plug Of Delight. Noticing the guilty twitch in Mildred's tail, he hoovenly scruffed her, hiccupped and inserted her head first.

Frank was an ordinary man. He lived an ordinary life.

His slippers, on the other hand...

Winkle McDangus sang along cheerfully to a putrid rendition of What About Me, painting dainty flowers along his inner thighs with horseradish and mustard. Dipping into his favourite tub of hair-flavoured vaseline, he headed out to Rusty's plush kennel for the evening.

<b>The Cigarette Packet</b> Well! Drip drip. <i>Fuck knows. This band sucks balls and cunts and is still unsatisfying.</i> I often find cunts unsatisfying. Don't you? Who is writing this sexy shit? Mmmm. That's a wrapper. Do you like to fuck upside down squirrels? <i>A bull with a winkle is more my ...

1 - When Iguanas do giraffes, a flying rodent craps... 2 - Why is duck groping a frownable recreation, chum? 3 - Wailing into damp grogans again... Fred! Rude cunt! 4 - Wendy? I did grope Alex! Feeling really chuffed! 5 - Wednesday, I drove grinning across free range chickens! 6 - Wish I didn't give...

Defiant not to end his chopdom as main course, Lambert inched his way off the plate and donned his favourite doily cape. Hunkering behind the vase, he prepared to introduce the family to his meaty bone of terror.

Just a little bored, Fredrick took his over-elongated pacer and held a private battle with the musk stick. Savouring the battle scraps, he inadvertantly dropped dead from lead poisoning.

Probably singing seven Finnish cows
Poo smelling shits fighting cowards
Phlegm scraped smartly from cracks.
Penny spanked Sally Field? Crap!
Pissing silently, Shelly found cats!
Proudly shrivelled scrotums flee Cuba
Probing snails sounds funner, Chester!

Shiny shlongs don't droop? Simon says drink daquaris? Same shit, different day Some say dreams die ... Sloppy saliva drenches dogs Slip suspenders down dangerously Sally slaps dangleberries down Seven sons, different dads! She should dance differently Steven's sample defies description Some stools d...

Sharooshed and squeamish from the night's events, Sigmund gently covered his gnat with a frilly topped sock and yodelled an erotic lullaby.

Bitch About Funny Crap Billy Ate Fanny Coits Brown Arse, Fluffy Crumpet Burgeoning Anal Flap Cracker Best Acid Fart Competition Bring all furry chimps Bounce And Fling Cantelopes Bludgeon a flying cockatoo Bumping against five cocks! Bring Along Feathered Cocks Bloody arrogant fresian cows Behold al...

Skank. *wiggle wiggle* Ahh... inspiration left... what to do, what to do... Ewww.. smells like cat piss and burnt hair! Oh!! Hope that's not me... *pat pat* Insidious gasses built... Oh to have the strength of a thousand arsecheeks *clench* ... It's never going to work, must eliminate and radiate ....

Snail wins in triathalon? Shagged willy in tomato Sketchy, was I there? Soft, wet, irresponsible tomato Sure! When it's time! Sorry, was in tahiti Slept with it too ... Silly wanker is terrible Signs written in Taiwanese Sheep were in training Skanky wrench in training Stoats wear indigo t-shirts Sl...

Peering down at the final skinny pickle in her chair dance routine, Audrey retrieved it, painted it pink and named it Willy. They became cribbage champions.