Muffin

[rain]

Disturbed by an unknown poodle, Jackie, naked as the day she was born, flew to the open window and gobbled like a Christmas Turkey. Her plaits became unravelled.

[ejn]

Happy with his proud Jolly Roger, the degenerate mump swung into action with a sack full of bibs and eyes brimming with tears...

[Doom Warrior]

Dwayne the rabid octopus flew towards the balcony of the 512th floor of the building. His eyes met those of the sheep inside, and he plummeted to his death.

[ejn]

The moment the familiar tingling of the mouthwash in the lemming's rectum started, he began to get jiggy with it. Then he fell and broke his left buttock.

[rain]

With the utmost care, and precision, Rupert thrust the plunger once again into the yawing void. He watched bemused as his arm was ripped savagely from its socket, and made a mental note.

[ejn]

The bulbous cyst grew angrier and angrier. A frown creasing his face, he took the life of his precious hippo, Boodle, using only his infected bunny.

[bron]

Developing conjoined kneecaps at the age of eight and seven months, Pedrushka was forced to contemplate her new life as a table ornament. This lasted 6 quiet seconds until she pulled the hose out once again.

[rain]

He watched the clock, warily, as the seconds ticked past. Fearing the inevitable, he pureed seven kilos of freerange sandals, and began to engrave his snail.

[ejn]

With a heave and a fistful of gum leaves, Jeremy returned Gus the sick fuck to his rightful resting place. He thanked the lord above for the pain free birth, and made waffles from the spare earwigs.

[rain]

Deftly avoiding the hyperactive carbuncle, Mitch clicked the knob forward two notches and dribbled heroically.

[ejn]

Penny stomped on Ralph angrily. Ralph took a moment to splash and ripple, then lazily and with gusto, sucked the very life out of Penny.

[bron]

'No Edward, that is just not up to standard...' Sally sighed as Edward's last eyball burst into wall snot. She coughed politely and excused herself as her stiletto stabbed into his pocket with sickening pop, and reached for a tissue.

[rain]

With his polo mallet resting loosely in his large, gnarled hand, he once more adjusted his position in the saddle. He lolled briefly, before raising the mallet above his head, and bringing it down with astonishing force into the face of the surprised referee. There was much laughter at the club that night.

[ejn]

Weeping uncontrollably, Alvin rocked back on his heels, clutching his distressed baby albatross tightly. Sneezing violently, but with dignity, a nearby ungrateful whelp interrupted the scene of harmony and then drove a bulldozer over them.

[rain]

Poking gently with his rampant stick, Todd ascertained that in fact his quarry was indeed blurred. He probed its nub convincingly before feigning a relapse, and departing in chains to the asylum.